Intention

One thing I continue to relearn is that intention takes practice. Again and again, I have to remind myself to prioritize my peace. Intention needs practice until it becomes a habit. I’ll admit, the practice hasn’t been without challenges. There are LOTS of outside disruptions: i.e., almost hour-by-hour breaking (and viciously unsettling) news, dealing with toxic people, the weather, the breakdown of cars and appliances, etc. Many of these things I cannot control, but I do try to remind myself of this fact daily. This is where intention enters the chat.

The first thing I try to make myself do is pause and breathe. Lowering my mental thermostat not only helps and keeps me from harm, but unbeknownst to others, it definitely helps keep them from harm. When I was a little girl, my mother (Co-Founder of the Original Gullah Festival) told me to “pray for patience, because you have none!” So, I did. I can say to this day, it was like I became a calmer person overnight. Looking back, I can also say that lots of people took my kindness for weakness. Those were some hard years. While in college, I distinctly remember making myself put parts of myself in prolonged timeouts. That banished part of me went without argument, as if she knew it was best for everyone. I just felt like I wanted to mature and not be some young, loud-mouthed hothead. I never wanted to be labeled as an “angry Black woman”, but I don’t think people realize that many of us aren’t born that way. They are made.

With age comes wisdom and now, I am not at all like the reserved person I worked hard at being. The banished woman is now fully aligned with the wife, mother, and friend. While I am still a very sweet person, I don’t entertain foolishness. I just can’t do it. I used to swallow lies and hide my true self to make others feel bigger and better. I have admittedly let mediocrity get promoted past me and even cosigned on cuteness just to keep the peace. Now? I am full grown and getting bigger, and I love my expansion. It’s like breathing all the way through, to my diaphragm and then laughing out loud. I’ve never liked a bully, and I don’t scare easily. I can smell shit ten miles away and I start warning others in advance to duck, or you’ll get hit square in the mouth with it. There are a lot of nasty and mean people who have decided to stand in the way of decency lately. Now, I call them out when I see them coming. Hell, they aren’t hiding anymore, so why should I? I’ve got love on my lips and in my skin, and I dream of being a shelter for those running from a storm. These days, I write, because I can’t stop the flow of words that feel so necessary and like good medicine. I sure do hope a reader or two feels healed. Because this woman, this Kenyana is alright with me. I like being a light in dark places, and I love loving on my family! My hubby and girls are my world, and my friends make me smile and belly-laugh. I love y’all!

Back to intention, although the external disruptions are nonstop, I am determined to strengthen my resolve and turn down the frequencies of bad or numbing energies. I am finding that while some people are living a destructive lifestyle on purpose, there are many more who are operating on autopilot, not knowing that there is something inside that needs healing. I’ve had to remind myself that while there are many instances when I can see where people are broken and have the ability to help, whether it is by offering a kind word, prayers, or sharing resources, some people like being the victim. I cannot fully express how much that realization unnerves me, but I say fully that it is not my ministry to help those who want to live in pain. I am not a trained psychiatrist or therapist, and I highly recommend their services to anyone who needs healing from deep hurts and past traumas.

Part II Next Week

First published in Substack - Say, Say, Say